i am stomping on mountains

One of the funniest things that happened online is when the dude from Owl City followed me and a bunch of my friends on Twitter and then unfollowed me when I was caught writing some kickass jokes in his expense

Sitting in my room after a vaguely messy urine stream. In five minutes my pants will be ready again. How’s it goin

A 10 year old girl was riding her bike down the road and fell and busted her mouth and braces all up and then was too scared to go home because her mum would see her crunched up teeth and “never forgive her” :(

I am playing three different files of Dark Souls 1 at the moment and when I get home I’m gonna start a new one because it is the best game of all time

A white rapper named Yippity Yapper the Rapper would be so funny

I have sent ebay an email every day for the last five years asking what the e in their name stands for. I suspect eel

here are some drafts for you all

here are some drafts for you all

How do I fuck a tree

How do I fuck a tree

travel-as-a-happy-hippie:

Kiss the Earth, hug trees, smell flowers, walk barefoot, spend time in the grass. Give the Earth what she deserves.

Dont do this at all

*gets born into a world in which the best possible outcome is to live long enough to witness the certain and unforgiving death of the people who taught you how to love* haha i love typing jokes into my keyboard 5 hours a day

I am covering my eyes because it is mysterious and also because they are watering hardcore after I got two hours sleep last night due to the security system of the shop down the street being activated by a family of moths flying around it

I am covering my eyes because it is mysterious and also because they are watering hardcore after I got two hours sleep last night due to the security system of the shop down the street being activated by a family of moths flying around it

I'm 100% in love with you and I know we could make beautiful babies if you'd just follow me back. Good bye for now sweet prince.
Anonymous

Nice I read this while I was rubbing vapor rub all over my finger and sticking it up my nose so it clears out better. Reassurance is great

Yes I have a green and blue dick. No I am not your manic pixie dream boy

Whenever there’s a line up posted for anything with an unannounced special guest, I am that special guest. We are just working out how many million dollars to pay me and finding a babysitter for all my tadpoles first

my dog watches porn